Freewheeling

What's so Funny?

Well there had to be some naff jokes etc.....

BUSINESS POSTERS YOU DON'T SEE AT THE OFFICE

  • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
  • If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
  • Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
  • A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
  • Plagiarism saves time.
  • If at first you don't succeed, try management.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
  • Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
  • The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  • Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
  • We waste time, so you don't have to.
  • Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
  • Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
  • When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • Succeed in spite of management.
  • Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.

HIGH-TECH VERSIONS OF OLD CLICHÉS

  • Home is where you hang your @.
  • The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
  • A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
  • You can't teach an old mouse new clicks.
  • Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
  • C:\ is the root of all directories.
  • Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
  • Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
  • The modem is the message.
  • Too many clicks spoil the browse.
  • The geek shall inherit the earth.
  • A chat has nine lives.
  • Don't byte off more than you can view.
  • Fax is stranger than fiction.
  • What boots up must come down.
  • Windows will never cease.
  • Virtual reality is its own reward.
  • Modulation in all things.
  • A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
  • There's no place like http://www.home.com.
  • Know what to expect before you connect.
  • Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
  • Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

High Tech Lightbulb Jokes...

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle, etc.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many Technical Support guys (gals) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Technical Support has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

Q: How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? OK. Now, exactly how dark is it? OK, there could be four or five things
wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?

Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two holding the ladder and one to screw the light bulb into a faucet.

Q: How many Microsoft Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to change the bulb, and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2.00 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the problems.

Q: How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .

Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object will inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.

Q: How long does it take a DEC repairman to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on how many burned out bulbs he brought with him.

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would have been for a Macintosh user.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates just redefined Darkness™ as the new industry standard.